October is Just Crazy!

It's the last night of the month. My little Captain Hook is dressed and eagerly awaiting an audience - she lives for being theatrical. With three Halloween events tonight, she will have enough candy (and attention) to last the rest of her life. The boy has decided to "not do Halloween", but I am sure as soon as he gets home, he will have plans of his own.

I am planning our San Francisco trip this month. If anyone who reads this has any unique must see and do advice, I'd LOVE it. I'll be taking Bart into The City one day and another day I'll be driving in (wish me luck here - last year in Haight-Ashbury I had to ask a guy on the street to parallel park for me-completely embarrassing as a small crowd had gathered). I really am a trusting person.

I am considering doing a cave excursion near Gold Country. I really enjoy visiting caves and haven't been since I was a little girl. You would think my claustrophobia would kick in, but it's different when you're "exploring".

We have an offer to go to Placerville and it's such a fun holiday event. But I'm also thinking an afternoon of nothing before the drive home would be good too.

So please leave me suggestions! I like to leave no stone unturned and I'm not afraid to take on a fun and exciting challenge.

Shameless Advertising

I have a thing for a well run mom and pop store. Whether it's a restaurant, clothing store, baking supply shop, or hand crafted items store - if it's run by local people, they get my business first. Last night is the perfect example. The boy has his date (an older woman, lol) and now he needs the clothing.

So we went to Milano Galleria at the Westminster Mall. It's a tiny shop and run by Mohammad Yahya. Geeze could the man sell! He was friendly, gave the boy advice (which was funny stuff like - show up with your tie on correctly but as you head out to the dance floor loosen it). It was even funnier with his jolly India accent and wide arm gestures and my goodness, was he friendly! He even had the boy get into a full suit just to see what it would feel like for the dance.

As we left the boy and I were chuckling and the boy remarked that Mohammad had really found his perfect calling and no matter what career he ends up in that he is half as happy. So if you or your offspring need a suit - stop by and say hi to Mohammad.

Halloween Dilemma

So the boy has decided to dress in all black, tight jeans, leather jacket and eyeliner for Halloween. This means he is not dressing up. I'm sad, it happens, he's almost 15 and I suppose Halloween has a different meaning during the teen years...guys look dark and dangerous and the girls wear tiny angel costumes and wings, bunny or kitten costumes.

But for the girl, Halloween is still magical and full of pretend. She is however, torn between following her own desires and conforming to the norms of a female in the kindergarten set. Last weekend, she choose between Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Mulan and Cinderella and settled on Mulan. I should have noticed the unrest in her eyes when we walked out of the store.

Last night, we ended up at the mall (free air conditioning and clean air). I noticed her staring at the costumes on the "other side" of the store. She said she really needed a hook hand and sword. So I offered for her to try on the Captain Hook costume. She was dubious, it just wasn't done, we were supposed to be on the sparkely side of the store. I saw her on the edge, a choice of something she wanted and a choice of what she felt were heavy expectations. She put her little arms through the maroon velvet coat and then she suggested trying the hat on as well. She grinned at her reflection in the mirror and said "I AM Captain Hook!". She is a stinkin' doll faced Captain Hook, but I told her, instead, that she looked fierce.

One more year of Halloween about the fantasy and not about what the other girls are wearing.

Oh, and me? I'm looking for a blue gown...I will be Wendy. The girl who adores the boy who never grows up.

Not much to say today

Not handling the air quality well. The fires are scary - luckily we are just effected by the poor air quality. The kids look sick, I'm having a hard time just breathing without coughing. My prayers are with those affected by evacuations, those who have lost homes, those still in the line of fire, and the men and woman who put their lives in danger by fighting the fires.
Check out the satellite view a friend shared with me....
http://sat.wrh.noaa.gov/satellite/1km/Oxnard/VIS1LAX.GIF

LA LA Land at it's Most Fun!

We spent the day in LA on Saturday. The kids and I started on Melrose where the boy found a leather jacket at Wasteland. It's tres cool - Johnny Rotton would be pleased. Every teen needs a black jacket with lots of zippers and shiny metal details.

Realizing that we had to hurry, we drove up La Brea to Hollywood Blvd and paid way to much money to see Jack the Pumpkin King in Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D at the El Capitan. I did love the seats and the price included popcorn and drinks. The set was too much fun and the organist was phenom. It is really the most beautiful movie theater I've been inside of, every detail was thought of - incredible light fixtures, ornate ceilings, the live music. It just felt amazing - exactly how seeing a film should feel.

The movie is stunning. I've seen it - and have it memorized as do the kids - but nothing can be more brilliant than seeing it in such a breathtaking way. This film should be seen in theaters. It's just so much more visually stimulating. After the credits were over we headed to Mann's Chinese theater and checked out foot pints and street characters. An amazingly tall man dressed as some sort of winged woman (with the hottest thighs I've ever seen, it is a shame he is a man) took a fancy to the girl. It was a blast.

So by now it's dinner time and we decided to try an LA tradition - Pink's. A thirty minute wait was nothing by the time we got our food. It's not a fancy experience - waiting in line on a sidewalk, the scent of meat smacking you upside the face. The heat of their grills and fryers roasting you alive as you read and reread the menu. The girl chose a chili dog, the boy chose The Martha Stewart (he lives with the motto - everything is better with some bacon), and I was torn...sauerkraut (I don't think I really like it, but I love sour things and almost never pass it up) or a chili dog and went for the Rosie: ten inches of hot dog with chili AND sauerkraut. They have a twelve inch dog, but I know for sure I can't handle anything that big. We splurged and had some Dr. Brown's soda in glass bottles.

We got home and I finished the bloody cake, dropped him off for the event, washed the stuff in my house that got blood on them, and by then it was really late and he needed to be picked up. The girl fell asleep on the way home and she never woke up. I kept sticking her in the car seat and she just went on sleeping. Very, very cool and unusual.

Today was church, lunch, shopping and home. On the way back from shopping the girl said, "Mom yesterday was really special, it felt like we were on a vacation." I was so please to have given Disney $66 plus handling for the tickets for that Hallmark moment. Granted, had I chosen the cheaper seats, she would have said the same thing, but this makes it a little easier to watch my bank account drain . :P

The Bloody Cake

I love to make pretty cakes. Flowers, wedding type cakes, all pretty lovely things. So I was interested to see how things could be from the dark side. I was "commissioned" to make a cake for a musical group for a Halloween party this evening. I was asked to make something to feed 69 people (lol). And it was free reign on artistic fun.

The fun began last night by baking a golden vanilla cake, brushing it with a simple syrup mixture and then stabbing it with a fork. I poured liquid red cherry jello over it. When the cake is cut open it will appear to be bleeding with red running through the holes.

I had fun creating a butcher knife out of chocolate and vanilla fondant this morning. Later, I iced the cake with a white icing flavored with creme bouquet and almond. The final parts were making an icing that appeared bloody and writing the song title and then taking a brush and splattering it with more blood. I added the bloody knife and a signature hand print (I swear I washed my hands first) .

I was delighted by the groups reaction when I made the delivery. Halloween is my favorite holiday. For fun here are some pictures. The flash is wonkey so one picture appears yellow.

Just Another Friday

• Did "stuff" at work
• Noticed that when I turn to talk in my chair my skirt is too high. And solved the mystery of why people have been coming into my cube all day to talk. Slightly embarrassed.
• Went to the gym. I couldn't even find my gym ID, it has been TOO long. For a second I stared at the treadmill...I couldn't remember how to turn it on.
• Harassed every coworker with vents about how it was Friday and no one was dancing or even excited. Did the merengue in my cube. Alone.
• Drank water. I am caffeine free. For now.
• Bought tickets for a show Saturday.
• Danced some more alone in my cube. I need to be entertained.
• Went to dinner with the girl. She told me I chose a "Lovely restaurant". Seriously, my 5 year old was impressed.
• And now I am going to sculpt a butcher knife out of chocolate and vanilla fondant. It is step one in my "build a bloody cake" adventure.

Hump Day!

I love Wednesday, you're half way finished with the week and your voicemail can be changed to Hi!, It's Hump Day! Leave a message at the tone. Then you can plead innocent and slutty at the same time. An Equal Opportunity moment.

When I was a little girl, my friends and I used to take a bus to something called The Plunge. I loved it - it was the typical indoor community pool, without the safeguards of present times. Kids could come and go, parents never seemed to be there, and there was a high dive.

My best friend H would climb up the ladder and just jump off. Being all of five or six, I decided I would jump off the high dive too. I've never been a swimmer, over my lifetime I've mastered the dog paddle and not much else, but I took my tiny little self over to the base of the ladder. The callous teen life guard said, "If you go up, you can only jump down".

So I climbed the ladder, I didn't look down. I walked the plank. I gave it a little bounce. I paused and saw my toes at the edge of the rough board. I saw the water wrinkled below me. I heard my girlfriend telling me to jump. And I froze. I couldn't move. H pushed the other kids aside and started to climb up. The guard started the whistle and H told me to go back down with her. And I did. I didn't try to fight the fear. I let it control the situation.

So I have been thinking about people I've known and what draws me to them. And then I wonder if it's more my reaction to them that makes relationships exciting. I've protected myself so well, I'm quite insulated.

What would it be like to feel joy, hate, anger, passion, deeply? What would it be like to feel those emotions on a daily basis?

I live a mostly white bread existence, tame and routine. What would it be like to step outside of myself for more than a moment? To finally jump off the high dive without looking back?

One Plus One Equals One

So I'm reading this book that is quite beyond me and one of the highlights of a chapter reads something like, we trust things to have rules and consistency. We take things like 1+1=2 for granted. And then it proceeds to show that there are times when 1+1=1. The example I understood the best was if there are two drops of water and they merge (addition), you get one drop of water.

So I've spent my morning meditation thinking about this. It's an almost uncomfortable idea.

There is also this part about negative space. You know those pictures that ask, Do you see a vase or two faces?

And I wonder, what would it be like to have programmed yourself to see the negative space first? And maybe there are people out there that do see it first. Could that view change how they see everything?

Weekend Entertainment aka a Good Date

Yesterday, after dropping the boy off at a friends (he does this rpg with a friend and his parents and his parent's friends on the weekend), I drove to the theater with The Girl. She has been begging to see The Game Plan for almost a year and I have been avoiding it. I really hate sappy Disney movies and I also really hate The Rock. Mostly because he eyes are too close together and his teeth are REALLY long. I know, I should over look all that - it's not like he can help how he looks, but also a lot of humongo muscles make my skin crawl (in a bad way).

So I bite the bullet and just drive. We get to the theater and find seats and...the movie was not that bad. I mean icky muscles and all. The Rock did something I didn't think he was capable of...he made fun of himself. So now, while The Rock doesn't have another true fan, I've stopped the hate.

As soon as the credits were up the girl wails, I'M HUNGRY, I HAVE TO EAT NOWWWWW! So we hurry out and eat at Pomodoro. She was crying she was so hungry. I don't know how that happens - she ate less than 90 minutes earlier, but it meant our movie was turning into an unpredicted show AND dinner date. We did get to sit on the patio and there was a live band across the way in the courtyard. It was altogether a lovely night. The outside lights were on , candles were lit, and 70's music was being played, and I had a delightful dinner conversationalist as my guest.

After the show we bumped into friends at Barnes & Noble. It was funny because The Girl whispered to me, "Hey, that's L from school." I guess he was telling his parents about The Girl at the same time. They were pretty sure they were classmates (this all finds me quite hysterical) but they were in 'street clothes' and couldn't be quite sure since they were in the wrong clothing. Once they made the identification, they were quite chummy.

By now it's about 8:30 so we make out purchases and head back the the car. The band is still playing and The Girl wants to dance. So she dances in front of the band, and then starts doing gym stunts to the music. Cartwheels, round offs, handstands, back bend kick overs, she realizes she has an audience and she just hams it up. She is just so beautiful to watch, she has so much grace. At her age, I was the kid who tripped over my own feet and never managed a proper cartwheel. The highlight of her night was when the lead singer called her sweetie.

On the way back to the car The Girl told me I should have danced with her. I don't dance. I've been to dances and danced, but I've never enjoyed it. And the idea of me dancing at an outdoor concert leaves me horrified and embarassed. At once I Emmy's comment about adults having more fear hit me. I wonder how many times I operate out of fear more than bravery.

How many more chances to dance in the moonlight will I pass up?

The Ugly Bits

I wasn't sure what to call this little posting, but I think this is a good descriptive title. I have a good imagination, that sometimes gets me over my head in difficult and painful situations. And really I have no issue with digging myself out. I look at it as just something I do because of who I am. Selfish, impulsive, these are just parts of me.

Recently, I've discovered my little fantasy world effects other people when they are not quite the way I've imagined them to be. Especially with my kids. I have plans for them that they grow up healthy and strong, finish school, have a secondary education that gives them a world of opportunities, that they find a perfect someone and have a perfect life.

As my son gets older, I realize I have no control in his life at all. It's a terrifying thought and I'm not sure why. So now I have to reevaluate what kind of mother I am and what kind of mother they need. Am I even worthy of the job? It's terrifying to know I'm not enough for them.

Once again, I'm in love!

Last night was episode 2 of Grey's Anatomy (for those who are not into tv,
it's a soap opera that takes place in a hospital and it's on at night). I
have this crazy, school girl crush on Patrick Dempsey. I swear if he
were in the same room I would walk into a wall and not even notice.

I totally understand the the Dutch reporter who handcuffed herself to Hugh Grant
(my other fantasy man who has cleverness and a perpetual smirk).

If given the opportunity, I would too.

What is it about men (real and pretend) who are incredibly smart and handsome (who
know they are incredibly smart and handsome) and who tell lies and smile at
the same time that make me incredibly giggly, blush and clumsy ? How
immature am I that a television actor gets to me? I don't want to avoid
it though, it's a fun and happy feeling. Everyone should have a crush.

So for all those fallen from grace women out there, I'm going to let you
know I will be on pins and needles waiting for Enchanted to come out next month.
That will be me in VIP seats and sneaking in chocolate to see Mr.
Weakens My Knees at the ElCapitan opening weekend.

Oh, I might bring a kid with me too...but that's only because then I have more pockets for chocolate.

The Field Trip

***still revising***
I was all ready to write about invisible bathtubs and raisins are people too, but sadly the opportunity never came up. We went to a farm to pick pumpkins, vegetables and to pet goats.

We got there and watched the girl interact with her classmates - something a working mom has few opportunites to see first hand. This means I watched her interacting witht the boys. The girls would give her hugs and try and get her to stay with them, but she was of course, right in the middle of the boys. S is her best guy friend and when they partnered up, he grabbed her hand. He didn't let go until their hands were so sweaty they just slid apart.

moooooog35 said something about dads and field trips (he has the funniest guy blog I've ever read titled "Mental Poo"), so I thought I'd give a "mom" impression of the dads. We had one dad show up and he was "super dad". After walking through a cornstalk labyrinth, the kids (and moms) were tired, hot and dusty. So dad brought some water bottles and told the kids to lean back while he filled their mouths in a sanitary fashion. The kids looked like a bunch of baby birds with their necks bent cackwards and water being dropped in.

Moms would never have done this baby brid trick. Someone would get wet (they did), someone would want to spit it out (they did), someone would cry they got too much (they did), and some kids couldn't get enough cried about that too. But he won the super coolest dad medal from all the kids because...he wasn't a mom.

And dads are a little riskier.

I wasn't a risk-taker and declined being fed water. In retrospect, probably one of my smarter moves as I was wearing a white tee shirt.

We did get the purdiest pumpkin in the patch though.

Self Portrait

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"I just want to be inspired."

Yes, it's a sappy movie quote, but the heart of it is, it's true.

While it's nice to read a well written book or hear music that makes your heart hurt or that grabs and relives a memory or to see a painting that makes your hands impulsivley want to touch it (ever wonder why I visit art galleries and keep my hands behind my back? - once I scared a security guard and myself by almost touching a painting), life isn't about viewing someone else's inspirations, it's about being inspired and making something with your own essence spilling out.

So...inspire me.

***PSA***

Edward Lewis: A buffet of safety?
Vivian: I'm a safety girl.

Every woman needs a powerful one. They come in small packages and different voltages, run on batteries, and are faithful - always right there when you're in a tight spot.

Get your mind out of the gutter and stop at Pep Boys for a portable air compressor. The best 29.95 you can spend. Try and find a higher PSI so it works faster. In the past three years I've used it about 15 times. No need for me to call AAA - I'll save that call for a true emergency. A flat tire is something I can handle in heels and a short skirt in a few short minutes.

I've used them on bikes, jogging strollers, my car, friends cars and stranger's cars in the Target parking lot. It's way less scary than trying to jump start a battery.

****End of PSA****

The Girl is a Mathematician

The girl is a cuddler, she likes to be half asleep and dig her feet under my thighs. I like the weekend routine.

This morning, was different, she bolted upright and announced "Zero is an odd number. No matter how many you have, even a hundred zero's, you still have nothing. No, wait, zero is an even number, if you have zero, I have zero, and A has zero, we still have nothing. If you don't have anything you still have zero."

Bleary eyed and confused, all I could do was listen to her rattle off her thoughts quickly like a machine gun.

Once she was satisfied with her monologue, she dug her toes under me and began to cuddle.

The weekend has begun.

Pity Party for One!

I am stoic and made of tough stuff, but one thing I cannot handle is a headache. Last night at 2:30 the girl woke up and said she couldn't breath. I resisted the impulse to tell her to go downstairs and take something, but as I sat up, to quote Miss Clavel "Something was not right!".

After I took care of little one, I went back to sleep with a small prayer that I would be right as rain in the morning. Of course, I was not. So here is is, over 12 hours later (I am lying, I have no idea it it has been 12 hours or 11 hours I just cannot 'do math' when I am like this) and I still have a headache.

Luckily, I do get a lot of advice at work. First I drank 32oz of watered down Power Aid. Then, I self medicated with coffee. At 12 I was still suffering. So a coworker said aspirin, another said benadryl, and then came the holistic "Earl grey it has bergamot, try that".

So now, a cup of tea later, an aspirin, and a benadryl later.....I have a headache.

I hope this means I'm not sick.

The Wedding

So very frustrated - I'll try again tomorrow or, in a fit of passion tonight. okay here is the ole college try....



The wedding was held in beautiful Santa Barbara. Surprisingly, while the view is beautiful, I was surprised at how many homeless people call it their home. I was expecting a city for romantic weekends and instead saw a city of contradictions.

The boy and girl and I had to wait to check in and wandered up and down State Street. While there were fun vintage shops, many of the stores are found at your local mall.


Our hotel, the Mar Monte was older and ran along the main beach drive. The room was pleasantly spacious and we had a view of the spa.


We met the bride and groom at a casual pizza place, Rusty's the eve before their wedding.



The next morning we went to the original (and last standing) Sambo's Restaurant. My grandmother gave me one of the first Sambo books printed in the US. It is on many banned book lists. The food is good, and I didn't have a Bloody Mary - if you ever go - everyone is ordering it and it looks delish.


That evening was the wedding. It was held at the Santa Barbara Historic Courthouse in the gardens. The afternoons was warm and sunny and the ceremony was very sweet and auspicious beginning for a life together. While the wedding party had photo's the boy and the girl were good sports and let me take tons of photo's. Until the girl broken because she was hungry and needed a restroom. Like most tourist cities you have to buy something to get a key and I feel slightly robbed. But having to make a purchase at the Coffee Cat was hardly painful until you decide to order a crepe.


Crepe's are not just for breakfast. However, being almost 5, the cook had gone home so the crepe menu was closed. *boo hoo* If I ever spend time again in Santa Barbara will be in line at the Coffee Cat for a banana and Nutella crepe. Who doesn't love an independent coffee house?

The next day we went to see the Santa Barbara Mission. I normally love historic buildings, but I always feel sadness when I visit missions. Something about the frugal and brutal lives of the people who created them, the unmarked burials of natives, the crypts, and unknown artisans, make missions not on my list of things to see. Give me a garden, art museum or other sunny sport. This marks the entrance of the cemetery.


On the way home we stopped at the Levi's store for the boy. 511 skinny jeans. Of course he does not wear the preppy shirt or sweater.


And that marks the end of our mini weekend getaway. Our next travel adventure will be in Northern California over Thanksgiving.