I was startled

awake last night by of all things....rain.

I don't remember any rain since I started this blog - in September. I wanted to throw the house open to the rain, but instead I just listened as it hit the roof above me.

All of a sudden I feel more peaceful and relaxed. And also incredibly tired. I just realized I have been having less than 6 hours of sleep each night. Normally, I sleep 8 hours.

Today and tomorrow are just going to be some usualy events - work, gym, home, and then tomorrow I get my eyebrows threaded and find some thing to wear for the party. I am a little nervous about the party. I am more fun one on one or small group than in a really large group. And strangely, it will be my first party where everyone is about my age.

In Pursuit of Absinthe

When on vacation I came across a article about how certain forms of Absinthe are no longer banned in the US. I am not really a drinker, but I have become intensely interested in a beverage that is also called the Green Fairy, one that turns from a shimmering green to a milky white with a cube of sugar. And while my 6 percent alcohol drinks make me tipsy, these at almost 70 percent...well, it just sounds like a crazy thing to want.

Today, my friend and I decided to scope it out and found, it is all sold out. How odd is that? The only drink I'm curious about seems to be impossible to find.

I walked out with a bottle of vodka for the party that comes in a mirror ball case. Very disco and hopefully appropriate for a party gift.

When I do find the Green Fairy, here's to hoping it's at least a half a percent as interesting as it's mythology.

So I have finished the novel

And it was satisfying. It's effortless read, and it does come to a full circle. But I enjoyed how it occupied my mind and some of the phrases will stay in my mind long after the title has been forgotten. It is called The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. I think it's the perfect book for someone holed up during a winter storm or who just feels like they need a break from reality. So there, now you have the title and a review.

*just random thoughts*

I am so uncomfortable in my skin. Along with this weird feeling I have, I can feel everything that touches me. This heightened sense of feeling is just - distracting. Thank goodness, I picked soft clothing or it would be even worse. I'm hoping extra sleep this weekend settles me down.

Looking forward to a party this weekend. I love the people that invited me so I'm sure it will be fun and interesting. I will stay far from the karaoke - these families have professional singers in them. I don't want to be comic relief. I was told to bring my favorite drink. Hummm...

This unnamed book I'm reading is just fun. I start a paragraph and just fall into the story. It's effortless. I read until I couldn't keep my eyes open. Funny though, it has invaded my dreams, I can't remember the dreams, just vague images. As I read though and near the ending, it looks as though there are too many threads ending up in nice neat packages, so not a brilliant book, just a good story. So if you happen to have seen a woman getting gasoline and leaned against her car reading, that was probably me. I like books that pull me out of myself and into the words.

Crazy Days

Well I'm not sure if "crazy" is really how I feel. Just different. For a couple days a month, I feel odd. I'm not really a low key person, and for a couple days a month, I'm quite ... sassy. It's almost like I'm not quite myself.

I almost never drink, but found myself buying some cranberry juice and vodka. So I went home and made myself a small drink. The girl was asleep and the boy laughed at me. He laughs when he sees me have a drink because normally I'm quite proper. I felt like I needed to leave the house and just go out. I hate this anti-restful, dissatisfied state I find myself in.

I am reading a delightful little book. It sort enfolds the reader. I'll wait till the ending to share the title. If it ends badly I don't want anyone to waste their time. But so far, it is very charming.

What is restaurantfree.blogspot.com?

It is my attempt to simplify the budget so I can free up more money for local charities by avoiding all restaurants for one month. Feel free to take a peek and see how we do!

Photoshop is fun!

The girl and I played with some of the basic photo alterations and she decided she liked this one best...


She has amazing eyes, doesn't she?

Here she is unaltered....

Fur Undies

On vacation I bought these blankets - artificial down but they have an almost fur like covering. They are incredibly soft, warm, and cozy. For the first time I understood why people sleep nude. I never understood it before - if you have to use the restroom, you'd have to put on a cold robe and freeze to death on the way there. But I was sleeping with this new blanket and geeze it was soft. I announced to the kids the next morning I was going to buy a second one and cut a slit in the middle and wear it like a dress (I could belt it I'm sure).

They, of course, were horrified.

So I think the cavemen had it right... I can see how if PETA wasn't involved, how a mink lined bra and rabbit lined undies would be a HUGE seller. I always thought the whole bear skin in front of the fire thing was an old Hollywood cliche. Now I'm having serious doubts. I'm thinking it is the epitome of a perfect evening.

Vacation...

The entire trip seemed like I would have to cancel it. On Saturday morning, the girl work up crying about her ear hurting. Luckily her ped said to just bring her right to the office. After the ped looking too worried for this mom, that she didn't know what was wrong. She gave me an Rx for ear drops and said to continue the antibiotics. She said she had no idea what was wrong, but to keep an eye on her for swelling and infection(the pain wasn't in her ear, it was near the jaw bone). So by the time we were in the car it was late and we had a long uneventful drive.

We stayed with my grandma. She has a darling little house, a pretty garden and a little lap dog (as the girl pointed out, he looks like a sausage with tiny stick legs). We spent time with grandma, my aunts and their children.

Later in the week, the kids and I grabbed a map and went to Berkeley. We visited the Lawrence Hall of Science. Everyone should visit - even without children. The view is unparalleled. It sits on a hill and overlooks San Francisco. You can see all the bridges, Alcatraz, and, well, almost everything. One exhibit made a huge impression on me. There is this patio with viewing of the city. They have two rocks and every year move them closer together. Then you look over the water and it's exactly like and island and land. At the rate of 5 cm per year, the island is moving. It won't be visibly from than point in 40 years. I hope I'm lucky enough to visit again in 40 years to see how the island disappeared from view.

After the museum, we went up and over to the home of the Bruins. While we didn't have time to really explore much of the University, I did find a restaurant that my grandmother took me to when I was 16. Pretty impressive for a flighty mind! We found our way back to my grandmother's without stress. I'm finding that the freeways of Northern and Southern California are etching themselves into my mind and I am loosing all fear of getting lost.

The boy and male cousins all went to see Beowulf in 3d. None were impressed with much, except the slaughter of some serpent/dragon. My Aunt J and I had a nice walk on the water interspersed with the girl being joyful and a handful.

My cousin (almost a teenager herself!), spent the day with us and she was sweet and entertained the girl. Eventually she asked for a "project". So the she, the girl and the dog, went hunting for perfect leaves to wash and dry and decorate for the Thanksgiving dinner.

Thanksgiving is always one of those holidays that you prepare for the entire week, and it's over in an hour and this year was no exception. I was so blessed that all of my Aunties made it. Of course, I longed for my mom to be there... I can see bits and pieces of my mom in them, but I always long for the real thing. My Aunt C is always social and carries conversations so everyone feels instantly at ease, my Aunt D is careful, makes things beautiful and I have always thought quite brilliant, My Aunt J has a way about her that makes me feel like my mom's shadow is with her - mostly quite and especially gentle - there is a naiveté and sweetness. Maybe it's the color of her eyes... I think you always miss the ones you love even more during the holidays.

I have to laugh at how my grandmother and I settled into a routine. Every morning she would make coffee and pull out the paper. After she reads a section, I read it and comment on her small town news, then when the paper is done, she folds the crossword puzzle out and fold it just so. Then she goes to work. Eventually she puts it down and gets ready for the day and I try the puzzle. I almost always want to rip it to shreds and end up throwing it on the table. later in the day we both pick it up and put it down. Sometimes we get out crossword books (until last year I had no idea there were books made specifically for solving these puzzles). When on of the aunts comes over it's something they gravitate to and they also give it a try. One in particular is very gifted at it and FINISHES hers without the books or Internet. I know it sounds goofy, but I love the routine - even though not solving it makes me quite a spoiled brat.

Grandma's dog is a younger dog. But totally a personality. He loves the girl and would sit on her lap all day under a blanket if she could possibly sit still long enough. he roots around under the blanket like a little pig searching for truffles and then sighs and collapses with cozy joy.

I watched a lot of television - I'm not sure if I shared that I do not use cable - I just have broadcast television. So the whole cable thing is a novelty and from about 9pm-11pm, I'm hunting for shows on Bravo, food network or Turner classic movies. And the kids are exposed to Ben10 and Sponge bob in the morning. Last night, I saw part of Team America with the boy and ended up walking away at the puking scene...I think I had my annual fill of cable television. And thank God, he missed the sex scene. Somethings should NOT be seen with your mother.

It was hard to leave - there is no one like your grandmother, I'm beyond words to say how much I adore her. The drive home was hard hard hard! The girl suddenly became Chatty Kathy and said things like "Why would a bottle of water explode in the freezer? What if it was juice? Would soda explode more? Oh I know - I froze a glass of water one time!" and on and on.... the boy and I just started cracking up. She just kept going and going.

We finally hit the Grapevine and it was torture. Constant stop and go. Eventually, my calf, shoulders and hands were in pain. It took almost three hours to get from the top of the Grapevine to the 405. In the dark. Eventually I pulled out all the Cd's and made the kids sing Broadway musicals. I know, cruel punishment. But it is entertaining - for me. I love to sing and I am quite bad at it. I have all of the joy, but none of the talent. So Chicago, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and Hairspray. By the time we got down I had moved onto oldies - Rod Stewart. I have a special affinity for Rod. It could be I was named after a song he sang, or because of the young man who played and sang Rod's songs on his guitar one summer night under the stars for me when I was a young girl... Rod put both children soundly asleep until we were almost home. Thank you, Rod Darling!

So now I have unpacking, laundry and a party to prepare for tomorrow. Maybe I will have less domestic topics for you all next week...

Home, Sweet Home!!!!

I just spent almost three hours on the Grapevine. I'll update with a real post tomorrow.

Vacation!

Oh, the fun! Oh, the joy!
I'm on vacation with a girl and boy!

Have some turkey,
Have a tater,
Happy Thanksgiving,
And see you later.

I hope I'm missed. I'm vain like that.

A Quickie

I am now officially not a blond or a brunette anymore. Happily, this month I'm...gingersnap. :D Fits the fall season. What do you think? I'll have to find time to take a better pic - excuse this one in my profile...I am without makeup aside from the lip gloss the girl put on me at the salon. I'm slightly uncomfortable without makeup.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

I am a huge baby when it comes to needles. Which means, I have my wisdom teeth. Yes, I'm over 20 (lol) and have all of my teeth. No cavities (again because of my fear of needles I am very careful to floss and brush 2-3 times a day).

Now, just before vacation, one decides it's hates me. I want to bash it with a rock like Tom Hanks did in Castaway.

I promised my dentist a year ago I'd get it taken care of. Somewhere in this house I have my x-rays and a referral. But I just want to go on my trip and not have it throb for ten days.

Son of bitch. This REALLY sucks. Seven hours of driving two kids with a throbbing jaw. Surely, there must be an extract-it-yourself kit!

Mmmmm...

Nothing is nicer than hearing someone say, "I wanna buy you an ice cream." Maybe it's the kid in me - the incredible amount of choices of cold perfection on a stick. So, I chose a Haagen Dazs chocolate bar. Then I saw it, even better...coffee dipped in chocolate and rolled in almonds.

I feel so spoiled.

Tattoo?

I was recently asked if I have a tattoo and I told the truth and said no. When I was in high school tattoo's were a rose on an ankle and matched everyone else's. Later, girl's branched out and got tattoo's on their lower back - flowers, fairies, tribal designs etc.

So I have been thinking (can you tell I'm getting ready for Haight-Ashbury?) if I were to get one, what would it be? It would have to be water based, for some reason I'm at my most calm and reflective surrounded by the sea. Yes, there are times when I'm perfectly at rest and that is when my feet are on the damp sand.

I think that if I were to brave (and bare all) I would get mermaid scales. I came across this color plate the other night. It's from before the Little Mermaid was bastardized by the kind folks at Disney. I think I would like her scales.

Step #1 Get Naked

#2 Bring a knife into the bathroom
#3 Step into a warm shower
#4 Slice the fruit open and enjoy

There is seriously no better joy than a fresh perfect ripe pomegranate.

I was introduced to them as a small child. My mother loved them and she would have us strip to undies and stand outside on the patio and eat one until our fingers and mouth and chins were stained bright red. I never had any thought as to why Persephone ate six of the tiny seeds. How can you ignore their perfect jeweled selves?

As an adult, I have often thought that the smartest way to eat them was exactly how my mom had use eat them (and she got a solid 20 minutes of peace in the bargain). So now that it is fall, and the fruits are in perfect season, I needed a more grown up way to eat them.

So that brings us to:

Step #1  Get Naked

Obsessive to an Extreme

So....I know what I want for Christmas. Patrick Dempsey. Oh, he's busy? Committed? Then I get the perfect replacement. A Patrick Dempsey doll. Yes, be still my heart....

Does it get any better?

Weekend Checklist

• Lowe's for the girl to hammer and nail a Thanksgiving surprise.  They gave her an apron, patch and her own safety goggles She is SO thrilled to build with real tools.  If any tool savvy readers have suggestions on what Santa should get her aside from a hammer and nails. I'd love suggestions.
• Micheal's for her to make an autumn door hanger
• Lakeshore to make another craft
• Sakura Saku to split a salmon lunch with the girl
• Picked up the boy and went to the mall
• Had dinner at Ruby's
• Church, once again I loved the pastor's sermon.  I feel like a better person for 15 minutes a week.  I always think, this week I will be a better person, but then things go so fast during the week I find it's Sunday again, and I'm till just the same old person who is back to thinking they want to be a better person.  I wish I was one of those people who are naturally good, kind, and godly.  But I'm just not.
• Lunch at Flamebroiler
• Grocery shopping
• Baking cornbread for an event
• Baking a pumpkin spice cake for another event
• Cooking dinner (I know you were wondering if I ever eat at home) Grilled flank steak marinated in lemon juice, cilantro, jalapenos, diced roasted potatoes with onions and a Greek salad
• Clean up the house for the week and pack up school stuff for the girl.

If anyone is bored, there are some ants wandering the downstairs bathroom.  I can't figure out where they are coming from as they appear drugged and just walk aimlessly about.  It's so disturbing, that we have been avoiding that room entirely.

I also didn't make it to a craft festival and *sob* I missed Brian Jacques.  I really wanted to see him again, he is so funny and even more so, sounds quite incredibly sexy with his accent.  I am distraught that I forgot about him.  

And now the weekend is over.  I will be at work tomorrow.  Yay!  

Not.

Do you have weekend plans?

I have a long weekend, the boy has a long weekend, but the girl has....SCHOOL!!!! Poor thing. I had thought her calendar had the day off but there in her folder was a notice that school is in session. So I think I will get up superly early and head to work so I can clean my office (it has become unbearable this month) and finish up a project. Then I will head home and take the boy out to lunch.

I had offered to drive him and his friends to see Beowulf in 3d (whilst I shopped) but he said it isn't cool if a mom drives. I told him "Sucks to be you, see it on a regular screen then and buy your own ticket". HA! Actually, I don't really care that I am not cool enough to drive, I just thought he has been working very hard and needed a reward. I tend to do a lot for the girl as she is almost like an additional appendage, and he is often just not there for me to lavish with attention. :-P

I will not have alone time this weekend, but I will drag the girl to see Martian Child (for ME) and the bookstore. I found a nice set of non fiction books for her to look over. It is difficult finding appropriate books for a 5 year old who reads at an older child's ability. Non fiction seems to just fit better.

We are making a couple surprises for the Thanksgiving holiday. Sssh, don't tell!

More Kid Talk!

Last night, I was putting the girl to bed and she asked for me to tell her a story. I took a breath and she said it had to be about a girl conductor of an orchestra. So I told her a story and she APPLAUDED when I was done. I have never had applause at the end of a made up story before last night.

She is just five, but keeps a blank journal beside the bed. Whenever the mood strikes her, she adds a couple sentences and a picture. Sometimes we write and draw together or leave each other messages. I think I will commit the story to paper and see if it becomes just as well received.

Which reminds me of where my life should have taken me....at about 8, I decided to become a writer and live in a garret-like apartment in New York City. I had planned on starving and writing novels and exploring every inch of New York on foot. Instead, I'm working a mindless sort of job, doing mindless sorts of things. So not where I thought I would be.

I do hope I'm equipping my children to follow their craziest desires.

Mommy Mode

I feel like I have been in "mommy mode" for too many days straight. I love being "mom", but sometimes I just keep going and going and forget I have pieces of me that aren't being fulfilled or I don't even know what isn't being filled. Between kid's parties and chauffeuring kids around town I didn't even realize I have not even read a book for myself in weeks until today.

Saturday, both kids were gone and I was alone for two hours. You would think I had a list activities of grown up fun ready to go. Instead, I felt lost and sad so I called my grandmother who pretty much laughed at me. I was calling her from a dark library parking lot with expired books in the trunk.

So, I went to the outdoor mall to kids stores and the bookstore. Just pathetic really. I ended up buying a crazy Halloween Felix inspired ceramic cat head. Even more pathetic. I was thrilled when the party mom called me to pick her up a little early. MOST pathetic is I was already driving there. Who doesn't know what to do with themselves for two hours? Who buys giant ceramic Felix the Cat inspired heads?

So in true mom fashion, I refuse to be caught in that predicament again. I'm going to have to come up with five things to do if I have no kids for two hours and report back with the results. I think they have to be places where kids are not even allowed to enter...I'll list them from common places to those I'd be embarrassed to be caught alone in....

1. See an R rated movie. I have not seen a rated r movie in a theater in over 15 years.
2. Call a friend and have them teach me card games at a bar.
3. Call a friend who has no kids to meet me at a restaurant bar.
4. Go to a bar alone for a drink (do women even GO to bars to be alone)?
5. Hit an adult store and pretend to be very savvy.

Maybe I'll just go to Sephora to play with make up. *sob* It should NOT be this hard!

I'm feeling like I need the *mostest pathetic award ever* to have 3 things on my list of five items that involve drinking.

I Can't Stop Watching...Why?

Aside from Dr McDreamy being dreamy... I HATE the fact that I feel as messed up as Meredith. She has the perfect man in her life (and bed, lol) and she cannot let it be perfect. Fine, I get it. I really do get it. I can even forgive the character and call it a plot twist.

But what bothers me are the lines she says, that I have said or written. It is seriously so unsettling that I don't think I can watch anymore. It's bad enough to watch my own life in real life but to have to see scene's replayed on a screen really, really, sucks.

As Dr Grey says, "It's not about the sex, it's not. It's about that moment afterward, when the world stops. You just feel so safe. I'm not ready to give that up".

I suppose the therapeutic part of watching this weak, sad, pathetic situation is that you realize, the man has nothing to do with it. It's just a bunch of brain chemicals.

In a way, it's liberating.

Ahoy there, Matey!

Guess who won first place in the costume contest??? Rrrrrrr, little Captain Hook!


She just proves, being the bad guy can be a LOT of fun. It was so funny seeing all the little Peter Pan's reaching for their daggers when she walked by, and seeing her raise her hook and give them the evil eye.